Thursday, June 17, 2010

leaving you is A MUST!!!!

I'm at a certainly huge dillema.

i'm falling in love, but at wrong man. i met him on a stupidity, we started talking from chatting. we took a promise to meet, and then, taraaaaa, we still meet until now!!!
yea, at the first, i thought careless to him, we just had fun. he said, usually, he keeps on one girl, no desire to make it change the girls many times. i stand for that statement.

at once and second, i couldn't talk much, i was in desperate feeling of a broken heart. we texted a lot, i wrote him that i couldn't be a nice-smile girl until i feel comfort in you, he understood. at the last, he makes me absolutely be spoiled!

i ensured that him is a single man since very first our meeting, and it was proven. no problems to be taken to still have a date with him :)

time runs months by months, our relationship went into closer. i told him many story, so did he. we talked about family, we have same amount of sister and brother. the youngest is sister, and brother is younger. we have different characteristics. he's a man with maturity in every words, act and cares. i'm definitely glad with it, i'm a spoil girl, not yet mature and have bigger ego. he said that statement, and i just put my head on his shoulder, what an amazing to know this man!

lots of places we touched to, lots of fun we had and as a normal girl, he makes a rainbow every time we were together. no sadness, heavy pain even tears, the world smiles me and hold my soul to be close to him. how an outstanding situation that was! :D

after new year's eve, he sent me a greeting text. he promised me to have time together again. i never can reject it. but, the odds happened, he disappeared and didn't give his situation. and i had feeling that our relationship must be ended if he's married.

the relationship was getting worse, over and over he canceled our date. i was getting mad of it. i was no contact him for months. until one day, i took a brave action to text him.

i asked all his condition, he said that he's shocked to know i still remember him. bad signs. i continued texting, and finally, the storm was coming. i fell, again, into the darkness. i was erasing his number and promising myself not to contact him anymore.

months go months. i can't stand for my feeling, but i must leave him.

one day, i saw a man that seems like him a lot, that man brought a woman. i was shocked and i thought that must be his wife. i'm giving up. but, on my way to watch Prince of Persia, i texted him, i can't forget his number, asked him whether the man is he or not. he said not. surprisingly, he asked me a lot about my condition, he knew that i was getting sick for some times. knowing i'm healthy, he asked to have a date, again! i said yes, in my deepest heart, i know that maybe he'll cancel it again. but not for his promising now.

we meet, after 4 or more months not to see.

like an ice, we were cold and couldn't say any words. he just asked my lungs and healthy. i told him that i'm good at all after recovering illness. we were a lot in silence, seemed like a big wall among us. until he said a strange word, and we realized that we were in wrong toll to get into our destination. since that, the conversation came into well. we laughed, talked much. he still spoiled me, touching my hair as like i'm his little sister. we did the same activity like the past. it was really far different. he seemed in a deep feeling to keep me. he spoiled a lot, didn't give me an inch further to him. we were not separated.

after that date, of course, i'm glad. also, the guilty feelings walk beside me. we're in different status, he's two now.

I REALLY WANNA GET OUT FROM HIS LIFE, but, my feeling talks in the cross side. he's like my own elder brother. i can't let my self to be in guilty feeling. this what i take for....


coz I love him, I don't want him to be unhappy. pray me for the strength :)

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