all 'bout responsibility

gw teramat sadar dengan apa yang udah jadi trademark: anak pertama dan punya 2 ade; secara langsung tanggung jawab gw keliatan, jadi panutan, contoh yang baek, juga yang lanjutin 'perjuangan' ortu buat hidup mereka. jujur, gw sedih, tapi gw ga bisa n ga boleh lemah sedikitpun!! 

lebih jauh lagi, beberapa bulan ke belakang sejak gw kuliah ada beberapa hal drastis yang berubah. internal n eksternal of myself. 

omongan nyokap belakangan selalu bikin gw tersayat-sayat. cara ngomongnya emang bercanda, tapi buat gw dalem banged. tentang bokap dan biaya hidup. mama selalu cerita tentang semua hal ke gw, termasuk tentang bokap. katanya, biaya tabungan yang harusnya buat gw kuliah n biaya sekolah malah abis ga jelas buat bisnis yang lagi coba dibangun sama bokap. hasilnya ga ada dari awal, cuma nyisain duid tabungan abis n nyokap ga pernah berhenti ngomongin itu di depan gw. sumpah, gw selalu nangis tentang hal ini, rasanya di balik semua cerita nyokap, mama udah minta tanggung jawab gw, atau @least gw sadar dengan apa yang udah jadi 'trademark' gw. mom, i'm really sorry, i can't yet to make you happy :'((

makin dewasa gw makin sadar kalo 'trademark' yang gw punya udah jadi tanggung jawab buat gw. impian gw buat naekin haji ortu juga HARUS terwujud!!! masa depan gw, ade-ade gw, n pasti ortu ga pernah lepas dari pikiran gw. untuk itu semua, gw buang semua hasrat pribadi gw; pacaran, seneng-seneng, apalagi lakuin hal-hal yang ga guna pasti gw tinggalin. cuma 1 tekad gw: GW HARUS BISA WUJUDIN APA YANG JADI TANGGUNG JAWAB GW!!!!

Ya Allah...

ingatkan aku selalu untuk ada lurus padamu...

wujudkan segala apa yang diimpikan orang tua ku...

mudahkan segalanya bagi mereka, jauhkan segala sedih dan susah...

buat aku kebanggaan bagi mereka...

Amiin...

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love who loves you

sesaat, i remember of a classic statement: kita akan sadar sangat sayang ketika itu telah tiada. yep, a really simple one, but it really shoots right on a thing when feels it.

i feel really empty when something's gone, indeed, when that thing is mine, it's really easy to think that a thing is useless, harmful, sucks or something. i do my mom's things because she goes on vacation on some days next, it's tired to do that, when my mom's here, i thought all her things are easy to be done, guess what, i do it on a very tiring, it's not easy as i thought, fiiiuuuh... you're the best mom...

another stories are near me. a best friends of mine, she really feels emptiness when her father's passed away (i do really feel in the same way darl). many things are missed, she said. a time when i told her that i often got caughing in the night, she reminds of her dad's behaviour. her dad comes to her room at a time she caugh and already brought a cough-liquor medicine on a spoon and gives it to her, how sweet, even my father never does that way.

many story i've heard, they regret everything they had sweet. it's poor and sad. the time is even never ever can't be back, why you don't treat what you have well before it's all gone??

get the point..

love who loves you most, feeling it and let it make you happy :)

cheer the world with your best smiles :D   Read More..

the past that never pass

everyone has past life, absolutely, whether it's a happy or sad one, includes me, a lil girl who are to grow o be mature already. mostly, the most unforgettable is the sad one, people won't lose their memories if it's a bad experience, they'll avoid to do the same and make it as the most valuable thing.

many stories tell about my past here, my past is my bad, and I don't wanna go back, can't hide, just face 'em all to make me mature. no need to make tears out because life flows and never waits.

indeed, take our body, soul and mind out from "past hole" is very hard, but we couldn't be so blind, something beautiful, nice, joy and happy is front us if we wanna open the very new page of life. it's true happened on me, i did it as well so far...


meanwhile, feelings of lonesome are coming and make our mind is running uncontrolled, the sadness, hurt feeling. i felt it. i have it whenever the rain is coming or listened for memorial song in the past. damn, every single part on the past is walking around in my mind, i really wanna cry, but it solves nothing, just be silent and lets the feeling is free in the next step seconds.

even the past is killing softly, there's nothing wrong inside, the wrong one is only us, choosing to fight or just only hide in fake face..?? up to us.

overall, a past is still in mind, but don't really regret it.

KEEP SMILE, LET THE WORLD SEE OUR HAPPY FEELINGS :D Read More..