like a shit song

here is my another fuckin broken heart feeling.

and i found this song really shoot me on the center. this doesn't mean as i hate or think tis song is ugly, but it based on my own heart.

BEGITU SALAH BEGITU BENAR
                                      DEWI-DEWI

aku bahagia dengar kata cintamu
tapi aku sedih menerima kenyataan
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang menjadi milikmu
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang menemani tidurmu
bahwa tak hanya diriku ada di hatimu selamanya
ini begitu salah tapi ini juga
begitu benar untuk aku yang dilanda
cintamu yang terus membakar aku
cintamu yang akhirnya membunuhku
aku bahagia dengar kata cintamu
tapi aku sedih menerima kenyataan
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang menjadi milikmu
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang menemani tidurmu
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang slalu ada di hatimu selamanya
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang menangis
saat kau terpisah denganku
bahwa tak hanya diriku yang terbunuh
saat kau ada bersamanya
ini begitu salah tapi ini juga
begitu benar untuk aku yang dilanda
cintamu yang terus membakar aku
cintamu yang akhirnya membunuhku
ini begitu salah tapi ini juga
begitu benar untuk aku yang dilanda
cintamu yang terus membakar aku
cintamu yang akhirnya membunuhku
ini begitu salah tapi ini juga
begitu benar untuk aku yang dilanda
cintamu yang terus membakar aku
cintamu yang akhirnya membunuhku


may be you insteadly know what happened to me..
yea, its all about unfaithful. i hate it, really i do. but, i chose this way.


a man, who fill my life in last a year, married with another girl. poor me. i left by the tears, lonesome and sadness. i knew this shitty things from him, actually, he wants to hide this from me. he said, it will hurt me if we often meet and it's better for me not to know about his marriage. he talks deeply and confessed, 'i really didn't want to marry this early, but the girl pushed me to show how serious i love her'


it's really fully sad. at the very last we met, i wanna ask him about his status and make a statement if i don't wanna get close again to him. but it's all late. he married in the end of the year. a fuckin story behind, i met him on february, but he didn't talk at all about it.


in the beginning, i think it's better for him and his wife if i don't never ever meet him again, because my friend had bad eperience in having relationship with married man. her family was cursed by her boyfriend's wife, what a shamed story and i don't wanna it hapenned to me. the reality lets me in to another story. is it me the stupid one or just my heart can't let him go??? i don't know. 


i agree to his hoping to still meet me and he promises me to play safe and will not let my self furthermore my family to be in trouble. aaarrrrgggghhhh.... my head's spinning, i even can't differentiate what the rights and the faults are.


am i stupid?
am i crazy?
am i mean to make a woman hurt, like i felt???


in his last confessions, he said that he really wants to meet me, but just can't because of 'his current condition'. i replied with ugly feeling that i really understand and i feel the same.


it's not really my wants. my heart does.


...INI BEGITU SALAH TAPI INI JUGA BEGITU BENAR... Read More..

ehem,, gaji pertama :DD

ga terasa gw udah sebulan ngajar..

FYI, gw mahasiswi yang pengen tau rasanya and punya pengalaman nyari duid sambil kuliah. finally, di jurusan gw (yang selalu ada lowongan) ketempel 1 lowongan buat ngajar di daerah tambun, which is, ga begitu jauh dari rumah gw di perum 3. saat gw telepon nomor pemilik and akhirnya gw disuruh datang buat 'wawancara'. ternyata, wawancara yang dimaksud bukan penuh dengan suasana tegang dan mencekam, tapi hanya tanya jawab biasa dan penentuan gaji dan kelas. fiiiuuuhhh... beruntung, sang pemilik dan istrinya orang yang ramah dan sangat mengerti tentang keadaan mahasiswi kaya gw :D

awal pengalaman gw ngajar emang ga enak. grogi, feeling unconfident, lil bit ashame, trus ditambah sama anak-anak dengan naturaliah mereka yang berisik. minggu pertama gw sukses gw lewatin, and lewat minggu ke-2, gw cinta murid-murid gw. mereka pintar, menghibur dan penuh rasa ingin tahu. semua emosi, yang sebenarnya gw ni high-tempered banged, bisa hilang gitu saja waktu gw udah ngliat, and ngedenger mereka bercanda, merhatiin apa yang gw ajarin. how glad i am :D i'm feeling so much lucky with this condition.

Alhamdulillah...

and of course, i'm thinking about the salary. i never get paid before, and finally, i felt it.

sebelumnya gw udah punya planning apa aja yang bakal gw lakuin sama my first salary. first, @least i have something to bring to my house, for my dearest family. i thought to buy them delicious food, n i keep it to make it reality. then, i've looked for some cool watch (i'm addicted to blingy goldy watch), and i found one, gold, cool and it's affordable for me!! promise it that one for me, i really want it. next, i wanna go shopping. it's been long time for me not to be lavish, i prefer to save my money in the account for digital camera i really want for, i think it's a right time to buy some clothes and, maybe some shoes :) can't really wait for this!

okay, it's on early month, i kew from another teacher there that salary is given in early a months.

i went teaching and hoping that this is the time. i wait, after first class in the day, the boss didn't yet come to give me. hahahahhahahahaha. but in the middle of second class, he gave me a white envelope, yippiiiiiieeee... that's my salary :D my day seems brighter. love the day much! :))

i went home on fire. i wanna buy martabak for my family. hmmmm.... yummy ones!!!

then, i already booked my fave watch, it's reserved on my senior and i got special discount!! ;) love u my senior...

<3 my new baby @home now <3

i'm really glad for all this graces on me :D. i keep praying and thank Allah for this. keep me on fire to get my own money and more experiences ya Rabb :D 

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